Okay. It’s January 2nd. I’m still feeling a little bit mushy, and you may also wish that your legs were wrapped in Juicy Couture faux-velvet pants. I’ve seen the memes on Instagram – everyone has been eating and drinking their faces off since about December 20th and fat-cow syndrome is upon us.
It’s really not about the weight for me, and it shouldn’t be for you either. Weight comes and goes and a few pounds melts off rather easily when you eat veggies for a week or so. It’s really about the sluggishness that sets in, the desire to crawl into bed at like 6pm and watch episode after episode of Parks and Rec or The Crown. Your skin looks tired and unless you jump right into the gym for GYM 2018 on the morn of January 1st, it can be daunting to get back into a routine.
Let me make it easy for you. Let’s get back at it, feel better, look smokin’, and allow ourselves to be focused on work and our loved ones without completely depriving yourself of the good things in life. I find that crazy detoxes simply don’t work, because after a few days of losing your mind, you’re over it.
With that in mind, here are my 5 tips for how to detox into the New Year and not go bananas. I’m calling it the “Totally Tame Detox for Sane People.” Here we go!
Breakfast: Go For Greens and Fiber
It’s really easy after the holidays to want to reach for the last Rice Crispy treat when you wake up. When you’re eating sweets day after day you start to crave them like an addict, so I GET IT. Starting your day off in the right way however is the hardest yet most important part of the detox to get through, so here’s how to make it easy.
Choose a breakfast of vegetables, fibers, an avocado, and an egg if you so choose (I’m trying to avoid eggs bc of a food sensitivity). The combo of the healthy fat from an avocado, with the protein of clean veggies, and the fiber in a GG Cracker will leave you full and satisfied. Making the right food choice for breakfast isn’t just about keeping your waistline trim – it’s about getting the right nutritional elements into your body so you don’t LOSE YOUR MIND. Put good things in and you won’t feel deprived. When I eat a robust breakfast of this nature I don’t get hungry again until 2, and I really don’t get cravings for snacks either.
Drink Water All Day
If you’re still drinking soda, like, get out of here. Or stop drinking soda. It’s fucking killing you. That is the absolute truth. If you MUST drink a flavored liquid, make it alkaline water that’s been flavored with fresh organic fruit, veggies, or herbs. Lemon water is nice, especially hot, first thing in the morning before breakfast, and a cool cucumber water is a great afternoon pick-me-up.
Point is, drink water, not other crap. Water is our lifeblood, and drinking tons of it not only keeps you hydrated but also moves all the shit you put into your body along until it’s excreted in your pee or your sweat. Get an enormous BPA-free bottle you can re-use and fill that baby up again and again throughout the day.
If you’re doing Sober January, dats cool. If you want a glass of wine at the end of the day, dats cool. But water > booze.
Eat a Carb
This one may feel counter-intuitive for a detox, but trust me – the body’s preferred source of energy are carbohydrates, so eliminating them completely from your diet is just whack. Don’t go eating bowls of white flour pasta or smash pizza into your face, but good lord, a sandwich on whole wheat bread will do your body some good. Make smart choices = feel good.
If you can’t eat gluten, then eat an apple. They’re surprisingly high in carbs. Feel that energy boost coming on!
Go To Bed 1 Hour Earlier Than Usual
Ya the holidays were just here and you probably got plenty of sleep, but turns out that if you sleep more you will live longer. It’s a fact. Plus, sleep is delicious so this is part of the detox that you’ll be really digging. Why not hit the hay an hour earlier than you usually do all of 2018? You’ll be less stressed, have better skin, more energy, and most likely be nicer to your friends because you’re well-rested.
If you’re not sure where to get that extra hour, here’s a tip: your devices are stealing it from you. Put your phone away and on night-time mode and don’t look at it again until the next day. Instagram can wait, and that guy that’s crushing on you can DEF wait. Happy Snoozing!
Read a Book
Along the same lines of going to sleep an hour earlier so your body can get the rest it deserves, it’s time to put your phone down (see above) so that your brain can get a little rest too. I find that doing this old-school thing that lotsa people don’t do anymore really has this magnificent way of quieting the chatter that seems to be ever-present these days. I’m currently reading Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari and The Food Lab by J. Kenji López-Alt.
You could even go for an oldie but goodie and re-read all the Harry Potter books. Just read something besides the news on your phone once a day, everyday.
SOOOO – my “Totally Tame Detox for Sane People” sounds pretty OK, right? It’s not about food deprivation – it’s about good nutritional choices so that you can come off your sugar and salt-binge relatively unscathed. It’s about quieting your body and mind with rest and reading. It’s about clearing your body of all the toxins it encountered on NYE with crazy amounts of H20. And mostly, it’s about getting back on track in a reasonable way that doesn’t make the New Year feel like the biggest moment of suffering all year long. Good luck! X